by
tonyhedges
@ 13 Dec. 2007 - 02:26:18 am
The wedding ceremony was held over two days. The first day was the evening meal. I am sure we told my father-in-law that he had to stop inviting people when he got to 400... The whole thing started off with a lot of chanting from ten of the local monks. The 'chief' monk was actually my wife's great uncle! Sitting next to him was a cousin (also a monk). I didn't know at the time, but my brother-in-law was a monk for all of 2 weeks - theres a story there I am sure, and maybe one day I'll get it out of my wife and blog about it.
There was joint lighting of candles and much chanting by the monks. The monks chanting went on for ages it seemed, and the longer they went on the more powerful the chanting appeared to me. The ceremony was held at my wife's fathers house, it is in a great location on the bend of a broad slow running river in a small town called Bantranprasat (outside Nakhon Ratchisima, on the way to Khon Kaen).
The evening meal was held at the School Field across the river, a short trip on my father-in-law's dugout canoe for my wife, when she used to go to school there, but we had to take a slightly longer route by road. The only trouble with living in such an idillic location is the insect life at night, any bright light will bring swarms of gnats. My wife and I had to stand by a 'ceremonial' doorway (it was a framework made up of white flowers, chrysanthemum's, dailliah's and daisies amongst others) which was lit brightly. It was the insect equivolent of a red rag to a bull! What with me and her-indoors wearing white, it didn't pay to get too close to the door, as I discovered to my cost as my suit, at one point, took on a greyish hue as several thousand gnats landed on me!
It is at this point that the revelevance of telling you that we had insisted on telling my father-in-law at stopping at 400 guests. We have the school playing field being used to stage the evening meal and literally there is a huge stage with a cabaret in full-swing on it. I am not sure whether the stage show was much good or not, I didn't really get the opportunity to watch it at any great length. I would guess the amount of people there to be closer to 1000 than it would be to 400! I bet what happened is that we said 400, so father-in-law invites 400 individuals and says, hey, bring your immediate family with you!
My wife and I had to then visit every table, say "Sawasdee [krap/ka]" to everyone and as is traditional they hand an envelope to either the bride or the groom. Now they use the envelope they got their invitation in, so it has their name on it, and they seal it up, because it has an amount of money in it. So if they gave you an envelope, you had to 'wai' (put both hands together like a praying motion and bow your head) and say "Kop Khun [krap/ka]". I have never had to say "Sawasdee Krap, Kop Khun Krap" in my life before, but I don't require any more practice to say it like a thai national!
After speaking to every guest and welcoming them, we had a brief sit down before we were required on stage. My wife made a speech (with me reminding her what she wanted to say - it was the least I could do as I had forgotten to print out her speech). I had to make a speech and made a real pigs-ear of it, better methinks to skate over that incident (you have to have some benefits for writing your own blogs!).
My father-in-law made a speech that went down really well. It was delivered smoothely, but then, he was well oiled, having fulfilled the thai tradition of having a drink with every table! His speech went along the lines of my daughter is beautiful, his new son-in-law is handsome, what more could he ask for?
There was a further episode to ccause me embarrassment, when they expected me to dance! Well, I used to dance a lot when I was younger, but stopped altogether when my son, with a look of mortification on his face said to me "Dad - don't dance!" That was about ten years ago and I have done as he asked and have never danced since. I found it mentally impossible not to be embarrassed and I couldn't dance to save my life, though the fact I had a man with a video camera following me and a woman with a digital SLR camera too might have some relevance.
So that was the ending of the first part of the traditional thai wedding ceremony. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit like a fund-raising excersize, a bit too obvious. It allowed the guests to get up close and see the whites of the bride and grooms eyes. I enjoyed it because my wife had fun. She really loved being the centre of attraction.
The second day - the actual marriage part - proved to be my favourite part. Looking back on it in the video we had made, it looks like I haven't got a clue what is going on and if you get that impression, you wouldn't be far wrong!
The ceremonies started off with the grooms 'parade' where a noisy bunch of people walk with the groom to announce his arrival in the village. They make a racket to let people know a wedding is on. There are traditional parts that need to be filled concerning the parade. Someone has to hold and carry a banana tree, another holds coconut leaves. Most people on the march had something to carry, most it being food to symbolise that the groom can feed his wife to be and her family. My father and mother accompanied me on the parade, with my dad carrying the dowry and mother carrying some of the gold my wife and I had bought.
Much fun was had on the parade, thai people are naturally quiet people, who don't like to make a lot od noise and 'push themselves forward' so it is a little out-of-keeping with them, so much hilarity was had by many in making all the noise they did. Towards the end of the march, someone picked up a plastic bucket and turned it into a makeshift drum, which allowed a few of the women at the front of our procession to dance.
Everyone made it to the venue of the days festivities, my father-in-laws house, a pretty basic one room structure on the banks of a huge gently curving river (absolutely beautiful location, that had recently flooded, but was now drying out). I was told to wait 100 metres from the house whilst the gold and silver gates got into place.
The Silver and Gold Gates are a traditional thing you'll find at all thai weddings. All they are now-a-days is two pairs of people with bits of rope of string held between them. They are there to 'extort' money from the groom! You have to pay to go through the gates, so they are usually manned by people who you know well, be prepared in advance and put a set amount of money into envelopes, so that you can hand an envelop each to the pairs of people on the gates, it looks so much better than dealing in cash!
I get through the gates ok, only to have my way blocked by some women (they do so out of mischief and good humour). I am given some vouchers by my soon-to-be brother-in-laws, as if they expected this might happen, and this seems to buy my safe passage - though I note that shortly after, the brother-in-laws were whipping the vouchers back off the miscreants!
I'm instructed to sit outside and wait and unbeknown to me at the time, the ceremonies carry on inside, with the dowry prepared in a traditional manner. One of the highlights of the day is coming up for me, but I was worried before it happened. The day before this, before the evening meal, I had been told about ths part of the ceremonies. Before being welcomed into the house, some things had to be done first. One I was going to have to balance on a stone of my father-in-laws choosing, the idea being that if I could balance on the stone it meant I would be able to look after his daughter. This concerned me the day before, to the extent that I actually practised! I stood on a paperback book and not a sway - steady as a rock! When I tried balancing on an ashtray it was a different story, wobbled all over the place! Fortuneately, only my wife saw me practising, if anyone else had it would have taken a lot of explanation!
So there I am worrying about how small a rock they are going to make me balance on and frankly I needn't have been concerned as the rock turns out to be roughly twice the size of a normal paperback book! What is more is that my wife has to kneel at my feet, wash them after I have balanced there for a while and then do the three-touches-to-the-ground praying motion at my feet! My personal favourite part of the day. I have video and photo's to prove that this did actually happen, though I do like to point out that this is the first and last time she will get that close to my feet!
The monks are back to complete their part of the festivities, namely the water-blessing. They have prepared the water that everyone else pours over our hands later. More chanting for a while and we get to feed them and the monks are excused. The ceremonies in our case were carried on, in an official sense by a group of senior teachers from my wifes old school (the one across the river). The water blessing part of the ceremony goes on for a while, because nearly everyone there wants to have a go at pouring a small amount of the monk-blessed water over the hands of the bride and groom and pass personal comments. Towards the end, my wifes sister took her turn and said something that of course I didn't understand (as I don't speak Khorat dialect) and my wifes eyes went very wet and she managed not to cry. It took nearly 24 hours to find out what was said, mainly because my wife couldn't say without nearly crying, "I'll tell you later." Was her normal reply. The sister in question, about 6 weeks before the wedding had lost her 2nd son as a result of a road traffic incident. The poor lad never really recovered from the head injuries he received after beng hit by a car. The sister at the wedding ceremony had said words to the effect of "I have been sad for a while but now I am happy"
Many photos followed but that was the end of the ceremony and on the whole I felt the whole thing went really well. There were points where it got a bit teary. I know that my parents enjoyed the day (even though it did go on a bit - not that it was bad that it dragged on - all thai traditional things, ceremonies, tend to go on longer than they might, it seems it is the 'thai way'). We were married on the 22nd of November 2007 (or 2550 in thai reckoning). I mention the date for two reasons, firstly for my memory! Secondly, it was in the middle of preparations for the (thai) Kings' 80th birthday celebrations, and if anyone can boast of sitting through more and longer ceremonies than the King can, he/she deserves a prize of some kind!
